Now for the movie...

Alright, now that I’ve got some spare minutes here’s my review of “Just Friends.” The movie is about a guy named Chris (Ryan Reynolds) who, in high school, was in love with his best friend, Jamie (Amy Smart). His attempt to get out of the “friend zone” ended with him going away humiliated that everyone in his class found out about his attraction for Jamie and that she didn’t feel the same way about him. For the next ten years, he goes from being an over-weight dork to a sexy womanizer.

Chris is called on to take a pop singer (who reminds me of a cross between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears) to France for a concert, publicity stunt, or something. Due to a stupid mishap caused by the pop singer (named Samantha and played by Anna Faris) they are forced to land in Jersey—the place Chris was from. Instead of staying the night at a hotel, the two make their way to Chris’s house.

A reunion takes place at the local bar with Chris meeting his old friends as well as Jamie who tends the bar and works as a sub at the elementary school. Chris sees this as a chance to finally get with Jamie using all the tricks up his sleeves. His tested methods don’t work on Jamie and throughout the movie he goes through all the motions to get together with her.

I did not have high expectations of this film. It was just one of the movies you just go see and get a laugh from. The plot wasn’t really original but movies can still deliver on the comedy. While this one did have its moments, it generally was a stinker. I actually found the character of Sam (Anna Faris) to be the best portrayed. Anna Faris was perfect for this role… probably because she has done this so many times before.

The positives:
The movie still provided some good laughs.
The brotherly abuse was totally believable. Well, except for the “You know, I love you.”
The character of Samantha.
The idea of liking your best friend a little too much, was little too close for home.

The negatives:
The editing seemed sloppy.
Fat Chris was only in the first ten minutes of the movie.
The characters seemed shallow. There wasn’t much insight into the feelings or motivations of them.

I recommend waiting till this comes out on TBS. It’s good, but not good enough to warrant spending money on it.

I feel like a critic.

So this time I went out with Season for a dinner and a movie. No this wasn’t a date either. I had called Season as well as Sara. I was hoping to get a group going. No luck. Actually, it didn’t surprise me that I didn’t get a hold of Sara. She’s really beginning to irritate me. Season agreed to go so I went and picked her up at Rachel’s (Season lives with her). Guess who was also there? Sara. I hadn’t seen or talked to her since August. I went into the house and I just looked at her. Not a word from her. Barely an acknowledgement. Fine. Be that way. I left with Season completely vexed. What the hell? You don’t treat your friends like this. I tried to let go of my anger so that I could at least enjoy the rest of the night.

Now for the critic…

Originally, the plan had been to go to Wendy’s for some cheap food. But as we were driving down Business 31 (the main drag through Niles) we passed by the Peking something. Season said that she never had been there. The restaurant used to be the Golden Dragon, but it had been bought out by a new family that calls it the Peking [drawing a blank].

Some history….

Up until the early 90’s there were only two Chinese restaurants in the area. There was the Happy House which sits only a few feet from the border and the Golden Dragon which is near the old downtown Niles. The two did well. Of course, this was also the day before Chinese restaurants became buffets. These two were not buffets. These were authentic Chinese restaurants where you actually ordered food off a menu which you could barely understand.

Around 1992, the first Chinese buffet opened up in the Eastgate shopping plaza called the Peking Express. It was a small establishment, very spartan, and not at all appealing when it comes to aesthetics. However, it had really good food for a really good price. $3.99 lunch buffets. The place was busy all the time. On the weekdays, workers headed there for their lunch break. On Sundays, many people would pop in after services. You could tell that it sucked a lot of the business from the Golden Dragon. In response, the Golden Dragon put up a lunch buffet as well except they charged $6.00 for theirs. They were unable to attract back the business that they lost to Peking Express. They closed a little while ago and a crappier joint was put in its place. We tried it last night.

The price wasn’t all that bad. It was still $6.00 but I had anticipated that they would have had the crab legs and potstickers like the old Golden Dragon did. But when we got in, there was only one other couple there. The food on the line looked old and there wasn’t much left. This was horrible since it was only a little after 6pm when we got there.

The variety was pretty standard. Two or three groups of each meat, some vegetarian. Nothing was really unique. The choices were tried and true—popular dishes with the general public. General Tso’s, Beef ‘n Broccoli, Peppered Chicken, things like that. The problem was that there were maybe two or three servings of each left. Not once while we were there did we observe any of the foods being refilled or replaced.

As far as tastes, the chef(s) leaves things pretty bland. This was probably most noticeable in the peppered chicken which distinctly lacked pepper. Also, the fried rice was a greasy, yellow heap that lacked any amount of significant ingredients. The eggroll filling seemed to be more of a paste which is quite unusual. I haven’t seen something like that since my time in the Philippines where Chow King makes something similar.

As for the restaurant itself, it seems to have fallen into disrepair. In fact, the roof was leaking in the dining area. Two large buckets were in the dining area collecting the rain water that was leaking through. Season called it their, “water feature.” The tables were largely dirty as well. Plates left from previous eaters were left on the tables.

Season and I recommend that you do not eat at this place…. You know… if you are ever in the Niles, MI area.

That was way longer than I intended but I will be coming back soon to write about the movie, “Just Friends.” I’d do it now, but I’ve got to write up my two weeks notice and hand it to my manager. I’m going to be unemployed again! Argh!

Happy Thanksgiving (one day late)

Hey everyone, I hope that you all had a great Thanksgiving. Mine went well considering I only had half the day to share it with my family. Everyone is back under the roof again and it's actually very nice. I can see my parents are happy to have my sister around again. Oh, I guess I should say that the awkwardness that I had worried about hasn't really occurred. Kris seems to be acting like nothing has changed. Although, she has told me a couple of her secrets. heh heh.

Inspired by Potusol's post, I thought that I would share with you one of the things I'm thankful for. This year, I would have to say that I'm thankful for the internet. It has been an important tool by which I have come to accept what I am. Reading many of the bloggers out there laid to rest some of the stereotypes that I had believed about the gay community. And even though sometimes I feel like I'm just shouting into space, I really am thankful that someone can hear (or rather read) my voice.

Clock watching

In a couple hours my sister will be coming home from college. It will be the first time that I've seen or spoken to her since I came out to her. I'm so nervous that I've been pacing around the house. Just writing this post is taking a lot just to keep still. What's she going to say? Will we act different? Will Mom and Dad notice? Argh! I don't know.

Unlike with my friends, who I am feeling more comfortable talking about sexuality, I am not comfortable talking about it with my sister. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable talking about it with her. However, I can just imagine her cornering me when Mom and Dad are not around and attempt to have a serious conversation. Imagine a deer caught in the headlights. Yeah, that will be my face when she does that.

It wasn't a date, I swear!

Last night Erin and I went out on a date for dinner and a movie. It had been a couple weeks since we last saw each other and I think that we were both itching to get out of the house. There wasn't too much to see. Erin wanted to see that new Jennifer Anniston movie--you know the one that's supposed to be a thriller. Sorry to say it, but I've pretty much typecast the Friends crew to comedy. A major exception may be Courtney Cox... but c'mon...Scary Movie really is a comedy. So it turned out to be Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'm not a Harry Potter fan per se, I just like to know what everyone else is talking abo--DON'T YOU ROLL THOSE EYES! So anyways, it was an okay movie. Erin pointed out latter, that it seemed unresolved. Not the Lord Voldemort thing, mind you, just the small things and characters that were introduced but then not expanded upon. Anyways, that's not the real reason I'm posting.

Are you ready for the gushy part?

Okay, so she and I went to the Outback Steakhouse. The last time that I had been to the Outback was a couple years ago while I was in the Philippines. I had been there for a couple months and I needed some American food. More specifically, I needed a slab of meat! So I went to Alabang with John (more on him in a latter post) to get some. So we get there, and we are seated as soon as we get in. Our server turned out to be this guy named David.

Erin said to me, "I think he checked you out."

"That's good, I did [the same to] him." David stands just under six foot, probably 180-190, with dark brown hair, a light goatee. He had on dark khakis, a dark blue striped shirt buttoned down so you could see that he was wearing a tight a-shirt underneath. Silver watch on the right, silver ring on the left middle finger. He speaks with a very soft voice and makes sure that everything is great.

"Really? He's not that good looking."

Good, he's not interested in you either. I think he was very cute. Erin latter conceded that at the end of our dinner when David put his hand on my shoulder as he was dropping of the check and saying good evening. Yup, he got double the tip. Have you noticed that at the bottom of the credit card slip, there's a place to put your phone number? Hmm, I hope that he noticed it.

More updates

Apparently, when I send out emails, the name Dan is still comes up as the “sender.” It’s a problem considering I sign my emails as David. For those who have been a victim, I apologize, I thought that I had sorted that out when I went back into yahoo and changed my account info. You see, before I started this blog, I occasionally sent out emails to the authors of other gay blogs. At the time, I wanted more anonymity so I used uaxjunk as my account to handle all things dealing with that topic. I also used the name Dan Bruster which is vaguely the same as my real name. So yes, my real name is David and not Dan. Bruster, of course is not my real last name either. Anyways, so I’ve set up a new email address which you can find under my profile. Oh and I’ve also added a pic in it as well. That way I have a face when I make comments on other people’s blogs.

I want to do the right thing.

Oh what am I doing?! I have got issues. Nate this and Nate that. I had told myself that this guy is not a person that I would ever make it with. My brain is going no, no, no, he’s not the one you like or will like. So why am I getting excited at the thought of going out with him? He and I couldn’t be more incompatible. Let me just leave it at that because going into details would only do both of us harm.

I think that it is more to do with the knowledge that I could actually go for it. I mean, I could finally ask a guy out and not fear being rejected with “I’m straight,” or a something much worse. It wouldn’t be much more of an effort to make it into more either. In a short amount of time I could have much of what I’ve always wanted. Yet, it wouldn’t be real, would it? Everything but the love. I want him because I could satisfy an urge that I’ve been suppressing for so many years. Now, I’ve got to control it because I know that I know that it won’t lead to me to where I want to be. I want to be with someone I can honestly be in love with and who I want to be bonded to for life. Nate’s not that person.

Part of me wants to experiment. After all, I can’t find a partner without getting in the game. How will I learn or know without dating? That’s a fine argument, but how can I justify doing that to a person when I know, already, where it’s going to end?

It’s not just that. I’m going through transition. I shouldn’t have a relationship with anyone. I’m not ready and I don’t want to bring such heavy baggage. That being said, I wouldn’t mind some new friendships as I am becoming more aware that I’m losing some of my old ones. I’d be curious to other people’s thoughts on the matter. What do you think?

Exploring the six degrees

The blogroll that you see to the side are connected in some way. I had started blogging around September of last year. But it wasn’t until December that I stumbled across my first gay blog, Stop Touching My Food. I’ve been a regular visitor of it ever since. From Chad’s site, I have linked from site to site which is how I’ve come up with my blogroll. I thought that I would add some more.

There has been a lack of things going on that would merit a post. So I think that I am going to expand the scope of the blog and start talking about things other than my personal growth. I may avoid political issues however, for fear of driving those few of you who actually come back. I don’t want to drive you away!! For those of you who know about my other blog, don’t worry, I’ll still be posting there as well. So, keep your eyes out and please leave comments. I love comments!

Am I going country?

If you had been a passenger in my car last year and turned on a country station, I would have told you to tuck and roll because your ass was going to be pushed out. Lately, I have been listening to country and am finding that I actually like some of it. Now, that’s not to say that I’m big on country because I’m not. It’s just that I will turn on the country station when I’ve had my fill of the pop on the other channels. Erin gets some of the blame on this one ever since she and I went to the Sara Evans/Josh Turner concert over the summer. Now if you’ll excuse me… I have get over to the Redneck Yacht Club.

What is that on your lip?

Has anyone else been watching CSI? What the hell is up with Nick's (George Eads) new 'stash?! He looks so much better clean shaven.

Now I am

Tammy was giving me some more of her usual banter about Nate and me. It's been a running joke for a while now that he and I would make a cute couple. Of course, this is done with the assumption that I am straight and should be embarrassed. But I go along with it, giving as good as I get. It's actually made for some hilarious work days. For some reason though, Tammy took the next step and finally asked but did it in such a way that I could easily weaseled out of it. I didn't. So she went over to Nate and asked him. I couldn't see or hear them talking. I was a little pissed that she would do that. Nate could have told her. I later found out that he didn't.

Tammy and I went over to work some freight on the other side of the store. I asked her if she had gotten her answer from Nate. She said that he wouldn't tell her if I was gay. I was very impressed with Nate. He had actually followed the no outing rule and told her that's what he did.

In my more serious tone I said, "If you really want to know, the answer is yes--I am."

This is the part where I have lost control. There are too many people who know now. Friends, a few acquaintances, and now the people at work. It's scary more than anything else because it is all building up to my parents. I'm getting into that area where everyone else knows but them and it makes me wonder if someone will blow it for me before I finally have the courage to face my folks.

I'm "Out" at work...

...well, not really.

I pulled the truck today. Nate followed me in where we talked a little where we could. Somehow we got onto the subject of penis girth. How it got from bottles of shampoo to that, I can't remember. Probably best that I don't. But I winced at something that thick.

"Nothing that big is going up my bum chute."

If Nate had any lingering doubts, they pretty much died right there 'cause I said that if my partner was ever that big, he'd better be a sole bottom. From there, we got into a weird conversation about sex, and in-dating. Maybe it was the fumes from the spilt detergent, but I just didn't care that we were talking about some subjects that I would normally never ever bring up.

Naturally, I had to tell Tammy at lunch that I had the weirdest conversation with Nate.

"Yeah, I noticed that he followed you into that trailer and never came out." She said after observing that I had stripped down to my undershirt in order to pull the truck. Ms. Sally and Sue were also there. Joe came up and sat with us and... I forget how... but he asked if I was gay. Tammy said that Jayson (the cashier who is also gay) likes older men. I said, so did I.

Joe then asked me, "Who? Guys or girls?"

"Guys."

I heard a gasp from Tammy and looked around. Their faces conveyed confusion.

"Nuh huh. Whatever." Tammy broke the silence. And after that they were convinced that I was just joking with them.

I just grinned. They couldn't believe that I was gay. Could I be that good of a straight-actor? It certainly is a good thing when you want to fly below someone's radar but... wow.

From buying to shopping

"Oh, he was cute!" So now I'm feeling comfortable enough to start talking about men that I'm lusting over attracted to.

Erin looks at me as if I had said the sky was blue. "Yeah, most guys that shop at Banana Republic are gay."

I think about a second. "Wow. I fit in and I didn't even know it." I then proceed to crane my head back to get one last look before heading out.

The trip to the gay bar didn't happen. I admit it. I chickened out. My nervousness combined with worrying about calling off from work, and then finding something decent to wear was a little much for me to handle. I told Season and Erin that I would have required too much prep-- psychologically and wardrobely. Well Erin was going to set the latter right.

Now, I am a t-shirt and jeans guy. I'd say that 85% of what I wear comes from some sort of n-Mart. Sunday was the day I went from being a buyer to being a shopper all thanks to the mentoring of Erin. She broke me in gently until we finally hit Banana Republic (at which point I had a heart attack looking at the prices-- not from the incredibly hot stud.) Target, Old Navy, Kohl's, The Gap, JC Penny's, and a few others that I had to cover my eyes from sticker shock, were covered.

So what were my lessons learned?

• Wearing sneakers all the time is not cool. Brown casual shoes are better. (What's even better is buying them on clearance for $20, saving $60.)
• White socks are no longer appropriate in shoes other than my sneakers. Time to start shopping like a European and start wearing darker socks.
• Pants that come from the n-marts are ugly because they are tapered. Pants that you buy at the mall are like girl jeans and make my butt more defined and cover more of the top of my newly bought brown shoes. They can also be bought at comparable prices.
• My closet is full of black, blue, and white. It's time to start adding color (and collars.)
• And belts are now a must-have.

I promised that I would wear what she picked out when we finally make it to the gay bar. Now I'm wondering what kind of return I can expect from my investment. I'm looking forward to it.

It's not all good.

The process of coming out to certain people has generally gone well so far. Better than I thought. But there is one person that I am beginning to regret. Sara. The first person I came out to. You know, one of the things that I had hoped for was better relationships, as I could now be involved in them with complete honesty. Erin is the best example that I can give for this. She said our relationship is 100% better and I couldn’t agree with her more. Things have gone so well, that we are hanging out more than we did when we lived together. Additionally, I have been fortunate in getting closer to Carrie, her best friend and Amanda, her sister. I couldn’t be happier for that. Season is also another person who I would say I have gotten closer to. Hell, we’ve got plans go to Chicago together after the Thanksgiving holiday. Unfortunately, with Sara, it hasn’t been going well.

I love Sara so much that it tears at my soul that I can’t be there for her. Whether this love is the kind of love that two heteros feel, I don’t know. I like to think so. I came out to her because of all the people that I knew, I thought that I would be safest with her. I could trust her and she would be there for me. I had hoped to strengthen our relationship with mutual honesty and be more open. I know that she has demons of her own. Maybe I was being a fool, but I wished that we could have helped each other down a happier path. For a while things were good but as I opened up to more people, she has drifted farther away.

She is in love with a friend named Adam. Actually, all three of us were friends. Adam was the first person that I was friends with when I moved to this town. As time went on through high school, they started with the smoking, the alcohol, and the drugs. I admit, there were times that I dabbled with the smoking and drinking—but I have never done drugs. But largely, we did our different things. Throughout college there were hairy times and their relationship grew closer and even more dysfunctional. I’d rather not go into more specifics. But recently, she has withdrawn from me in order to be with him.

Eventually, I got sick of trying to get into contact with her. No responses to phone calls, voice mail, or email. I even went as far as to just show up at her house to catch her doing nothing and then asking her to do something with me. The last I saw of her was in August. Strange since she lives in the next town over. Seven, eight minutes away. I no longer wanted to be part of a one-sided friendship. One where I felt like I was begging her to be my friend. It’s a humiliating position and it hurts. There have been times when I just stared at my phone, wondering if I should call. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I should be the one doing all the calling. Maybe I was wrong for dropping her and waiting for her to come to me. It was pretty much the same way with Season. Season, like myself, was just sick of all the bullshit coming from the Sara/Adam drama. If they wanted to make themselves miserable, why should we be sucked down with them?

A major event has just occurred. Adam has gotten another girl pregnant. And it looks like she will be keeping it. I was worried of what would happen to Sara. I hoped some sense would be knocked into her. And I guess, I had hoped that she would have confided in me. Nope.

Today at work, Season told me that Sara had called her. “Yeah, now she’s a friend.”

I asked about her. Was she alright? How was she doing? It turns out that she has started to hang out with all her friends again or at least, she is trying to mend fences. Season said Sara wanted to hang out this evening over at Chris’s house. Chris who probably hasn’t seen her for a longer period than I have. Yup. She’s talking alright. Just not to me. And as much as I would like to say it angers me, I still feel as though I have lost something. Maybe it was just a mirage. Maybe my relationship with her didn’t go as deep as I thought it did. And while it makes me happy that it looks like she’s finally getting Adam behind her, it makes me sad that I am joining him.

* * *

On another note, I recently got a comment from travelingboi. I thought that I would blog about my response seperately, but why not let you see it for yourself. Go to this post.

* * *

On yet another note, it looks like the Chicago trip is on! It looks like we are going on Monday, 29 November for some sightseeing and whatnot and then seeing the show the next day. Any suggestions as to what we should see?

Taking personal time at the office. Bad Davy.

Hey everyone, blogging from work here (or rather the internship site.) Before you yell at me about the ethics of blogging while on company time... well, I'm an intern-- it doesn't apply to me. So there :P

So a little while ago Season said that she was looking at going to Chicago with me to see Wicked on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. The 30th if I remember correctly. So we'll head there on Monday, see some sights, spend the night at a motel (since we're poor an' all), and then see the afternoon showing of Wicked, and then head on home.

A few minutes ago Season says, "Hey David."

"Yeah?" I yell over from my hole in the wall.

"You free this weekend? Like Friday or Saturday?"

"Dunno. I might have Sunday off [from my other job]. Why?" I walk over to her.

"Just wanted to go to the club." She looks a little disappointed.

"Oh yeah? Which club?"

In a devilish smile: "Your club."

Hmmm. I think I might be coming down with a cold. Maybe I'll have to call in...