Forget I said that.

<<--See Also: Regret and Relief

It was so dead at work today that I was rearranging the stuffed animals.

"Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?"

I looked up to see SSG Carney getting a pop out of the cooler. Such a statement demanded a response. Anyone who knows me, knows that I suck at comebacks. Looking at his fatigues, I used the first thing that popped up in my mind.

"Well, there aren't any G.I. Joes available."

I had to wince at that because it could have been taken in an entirely different way than I had intended. And yet, it was such a Freudian slip. Alas, there was no hole available to crawl into.

And That's It

John wrote back the other day. It wasn’t as bad as I feared. It wasn’t what I’d hoped either. The good news is that he took my message rather well. His response was short and to the point. He flat out told me that he wasn’t but added that I wasn’t the first to ask.

I’m not as crushed as I thought I would be. Sure, I still feel pretty horrible and this empty feeling is still there. But I suppose the finality that came with his message gave me some comfort. I can look beyond my first hard crush. Heh, at least I’m not crying over him.

I Think I Made a BIG Mistake

<<--You must read: John.

I’m feeling a little nauseous right now. I wrote John an email asking if he was gay and I immediately regretted it. OMG, why did I do that?! *kicking myself* I’ve always wondered about him because there were just so many things about him that were tipping me off and yet he maintained that, “I am straight position.” It was way too familiar. It looked like we were going to break off contact permanently. Lately our only connection was through facebook and he had quit that. So I took a chance and asked. I had to know if my gut feeling was right. But what was the cost?

I’m scared to even log back into my gmail account to see if he had written. If I am wrong, I am so screwed. I will feel like a bigger ass than I already do. If I am right, what good does that do me? It proved that my piss poor gaydar could actually be right once in a blue moon? As for him—I don’t know what it did to him. Is he angry, amused, scared?

My line of thinking was this: It’s not okay to out anyone but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask if someone is gay. Well the more I thought on that last one, I kept coming up with, “it’s none of your business.” Yet, it makes it a helluva lot easier if the person you like is of the same persuasion as you are, right? Sure, straight people don’t go up to people and ask if the person they are interested in is straight, but it’s kind of already anticipated. For me, I have no clue. --Oh, but it’s so direct and rude, and really not something that I should have to ask.

*Kicks myself again*

I’m going to have to suck it up and take whatever comes my way. I hope it won’t be fire and brimstone.

I watch too much TV

I don't care too much about the show Eureka. In fact, I wouldn't even watch it if it weren't for Colin Ferguson. I have no idea what he is like in real life but if I was to encounter his character, I would not be holding back like Allison Blake does.