I Think I Made a BIG Mistake

<<--You must read: John.

I’m feeling a little nauseous right now. I wrote John an email asking if he was gay and I immediately regretted it. OMG, why did I do that?! *kicking myself* I’ve always wondered about him because there were just so many things about him that were tipping me off and yet he maintained that, “I am straight position.” It was way too familiar. It looked like we were going to break off contact permanently. Lately our only connection was through facebook and he had quit that. So I took a chance and asked. I had to know if my gut feeling was right. But what was the cost?

I’m scared to even log back into my gmail account to see if he had written. If I am wrong, I am so screwed. I will feel like a bigger ass than I already do. If I am right, what good does that do me? It proved that my piss poor gaydar could actually be right once in a blue moon? As for him—I don’t know what it did to him. Is he angry, amused, scared?

My line of thinking was this: It’s not okay to out anyone but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask if someone is gay. Well the more I thought on that last one, I kept coming up with, “it’s none of your business.” Yet, it makes it a helluva lot easier if the person you like is of the same persuasion as you are, right? Sure, straight people don’t go up to people and ask if the person they are interested in is straight, but it’s kind of already anticipated. For me, I have no clue. --Oh, but it’s so direct and rude, and really not something that I should have to ask.

*Kicks myself again*

I’m going to have to suck it up and take whatever comes my way. I hope it won’t be fire and brimstone.