One family member down...

My sister knows now.

I wish I could have ended that sentence with an exclamation mark but it somehow wouldn’t have been right. The whole thing was anticlimactic. I went to her university. We strolled over towards the library grounds where we sat down somewhere quiet. I had a copy of the journal with me and handed it over to her in a white envelope with the number 26 written on it. But before I had her open it, I had to hell her that I was gay to her face. I didn’t want her to read it from a piece of paper. Nothing registered on her face.

“You are?” was all I got. But a few seconds latter she said, “When did…” I cut her off. I knew what she was going to ask.

“It’s all in that," I said, pointing to the journal.

She opened it and proceeded to read all 13 pages. I told her to take her time and she did. It had to be one of the longest waits I ever had to endure. Many times I was tempted to rush her or ask a question or explain something to her but I let her finish. As she read, I looked to see her facial expressions. Nothing. What was she thinking?!

When she was done she looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I tried to break the tension that I was feeling by saying, “Well, let’s go eat.” (Hey, it was past seven and I was hungry… or I was so nervous my stomach was churning.) As we walked back to the car, I asked her if she had any questions.

“No.” she said.

“No?”

“No. You pretty much answered everything in [the journal.]”

I was floored. I expected more than what I got. Questions. A sigh of disapproval. A hug. A slap. An, “I love you.” SOMETHING. Instead we continued on our way to Applebee’s. Along the way, I tried to steer the conversation back but every time we went back to something else. Towards the end of the evening, I was getting so irritated that I pushed my own boundaries by admitting to watching Desperate Housewives because I like Doug Savant and Jamie Denton. I hoped to provoke a response out of her. Nada.

To her credit, she did give me a hug when I left. I’ll remember her words that she had said earlier. “I accept it.”

“Accept” is so neutral which is what the whole night felt like. Still, I suppose it’s better than knowing that she disapproves.

I talked to Season about it yesterday. She said that my sister was in shock and that she’ll have tons of questions latter. I should have an interesting Thanksgiving coming up then.