Add a little confusion

Over the last two or so weeks, my friend Adam as well as co-workers Steve and Dan have been trying to hook me up with Kaycee. It started when they were teasing me when the saw me taking a few minutes to talk with her. They think that we would make a good couple. Of course, I know that's not going to happen. I told them that if Kaycee and I got together, they could have all the money in my savings account (about $1,000). Adam, however, just wants to see me with a girlfriend. He has been the one to make the effort to actually hook her and me up.

Earlier in my coming out process, I clung to my belief that I was bisexual. My love for Sara and Erin were enough to convince me that there was some hope that I would have a "normal" life. I could still have that wife, kids, and house. As time has gone on, I am still wrestling with the idea. After all, I heard the phrase, "You're either gay, straight or lying." In addition there was an article that came out not to long ago that said females are naturally bisexual but men are either gay or straight. I've told Erin and Sara that I'm probably 60-40 in favor of men. But I've pretty much come to the conclusion that my future contains a man rather than a woman. Kaycee tests that.

I would like to date Kaycee. She is absolutely beautiful. Her red hair and fair skin and the way she carries herself remind me of some kind of Celtic goddess. The fact that she can talk about "geeky" stuff like Superman, and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. She works in electronics. She also has this low key sense of humor which I am more in tune with. And I actually do flirt with her which has been noticed by others (which causes the teasing.)

Last night, she had a swing shift. Normally, we don't have breaks that coincide with each other so I only get to talk to her when I'm out on the floor. This time, I came in a little early before my shift while she was having lunch. Out of all the places to sit, she came and sat by me. I was getting worried. Did Adam have that talk with her? Was she scoping me out? We got to talking. Drinking, Mardi Gras, her plans for university and more. I was so into it, that I was late!

All this causes me more confusion. How do I deal with my attraction with Kaycee at the same time I'm trying to come to a better acceptance of my own identity? How do I deal with my friends who know about me? "Oh, I'm gay but I'm going on a date with a girl." Do I tell Kaycee? I fear that if I do try to ask her out and she agrees, we ultimately may be wasting our time. I don't want to hurt her just to find out if I can ever make it with that 25%.