I need a hug.

Most people that know me don't touch me. They think that I'm not a touchy-feely person and for the most part they are right. My family isn't touchy-feely and to tell you the truth, I really don't know how to react to it. It's a subject that I've only really discussed with Erin. I love physical contact however. On the rare occasions that I experience it, I savor it like I will never have it again.

This morning, I woke up feeling so good despite the cold that I am currently suffering with. I don't remember the details of the dream that I had but what I do remember was the warmness, the love, and security. One of the guys that I knew from high school was hugging me from behind. It was strange as it was the brother of one of my classmates who I only know casually. I know that it wasn't sexual in nature. I dunno, it was more like a good friend holding on for dear life. Like he wanted to convey all those good feelings. I remember the embrace and how tight he held me. I can remember the warmth on my back and could feel his chest rise and fall with his breathing. And I could feel his face, pushed into my neck. It felt so good. I wanted it to last for much longer than I did. (I have a bad habit of waking up when I shouldn't.)

When I came out to Erin, I wanted to know if she ever suspected that I was gay. She said no, but it did shed some light on some things. One of the things was that I seemed to shy away from physical affection. Since then, she has become one of the few people who I feel comfortable around enough to touch. I still won't initiate it, but the hugs she gives are just wonderful and will always make me smile.

I really hope that I find a partner that likes to cuddle. I think it may just become an addiction of mine.