Emerging Sensitivity

It was a rough day for me today and it shouldn’t have been. I had the day off and a lot of great things were happening. But every one of them was ruined by some homophobic remark or action. By themselves, they weren’t huge. Chris expressed disgust about a gay couple. A girl told another girl that she was “gay” for choosing a particular item. My dad grimaced and said “yech” when a gay couple on The Amazing Race kissed each other on the lips. Now at the end of the day, I’ve just had enough of it all and want to go to sleep.

I’ve never been a person to be moved by the thoughts, words, or actions of other people. I’ve got slight libertarian outlook to things so I basically don’t begrudge people based on their beliefs. Want to hate black people? Fine. Want to raise fifteen children under strict Christian principles? Knock yourself out. Think gay people are the spawn of Satan? I used to not care. Now, I do.

With Chris, I’ve always considered him a good guy. He’s always been in my corner. We may not have been the best of buds in high school, but I never felt at odds with him. Out of the entire class, that makes him one of two. That’s not to say that I hated everyone else. It’s just that he never made my ever changing shit list. Now he’s on it because of how he reacts to this gay couple that we know. And I don’t know if it’s the sexuality that is the real issue, but he uses it. Today, I just wanted to deck him when he suggested that he wouldn’t want to be the guest of a gay couple.

With the two girls, it was more of a shock because the one was maybe fourteen. And the context of how the word was used was awkward. Even if you are tolerant of the usage as an expression of saying something is odd, it still didn’t seem to fit right. Why would choosing a Diet Dr. Pepper be “gay?”

I really don’t know how Dad is going to handle it when I come out to him. Quite honestly, I expect there to be lot of yelling and stomping. Maybe more. I hope not though. A simple peck on the lips by two gay men is something he has to avert his eyes from. Meanwhile, I look in the crowds to see two men holding hands because such a simple sign of affection gives me more hope than any bill in legislature, speech by a politician, or decision handed down from a court.

Now at the end of the night, I can go to sleep. I think tomorrow will be a better day.