Paranoia Fueled Bonfire

Oddly enough on the night of the previous post, Kraig called me up and asked if I wanted to go to the bar. I like Kraig but we have never hung out except those few times when by coincidence we ended up in the same social setting because of our other associations. So I was a bit surprised that he would have called me up. I thought about it but knew that I wouldn’t be able to go. First, it was already late that evening and I had to open the store in the morning. Second, I didn’t even know the bar in South Bend that he wanted to meet up with. And lastly, I didn’t feel like spending the money. I told him that I couldn’t but then he invited me to a bonfire that he was having the next night (Saturday). That was reasonable and I told him to text me the specifics. He replied that he would call me the next day.

When I hung up the phone, I started to analyze what had happened. Why did he invite me to hang out? Why now? Was it because he knew I was gay? If so, why would he want to hang with me? Did I have to worry about a set-up? Or maybe it was because he wanted to be friendly. He had always been very cool whenever we did see each other which has been happening more often. After all, he and Stacey did invite me to their wedding. In the end, I decided to go. He has always been a stand-up guy as far as I was concerned.

Season and went ahead and went. We arrived in time to meet up with some friends of Stacey’s who were related to Kraig. Two of them I knew from church. (Have I stressed enough that we live in a small world?) But as we sat there, the gay subject came up. It was joking at first. Sodomy jokes. Hah hah and all that. The people there made some comments indicating that they were okay with gays. Meanwhile, I shoot a look over to Season who snickered. How did this come up? Did Stacey and Kraig tell them about me? Were they trying to steer the conversation as to get me to out myself? Why am I so freaking paranoid? I paid particular attention to Kraig and Stacey to see if they shot me knowing looks but I got nothing. So I chalked it up to just talk.

It was a quiet night at the bonfire and I spent more time listening to conversations than actually participating. I’m like that when I am in new social situations. I clam up and prefer to check people out until I am comfortable with them. When it was time for Season and I to go, Kraig walked us out, which earns him bonus points for being a good host. Although he was aware that we didn’t fully engage, we were certainly welcome back. That made feel good.