The Need to Remember

When I first started this blog, I needed a place to express thoughts that I couldn’t on my main blog. I needed a place to write about my own coming out experience. Ever since I told my sister, there hasn’t been very much to write about. Frankly, I don’t see that changing soon either. I’m sort of in a comfortable place right now. My closest friends know and slowly more people are being brought into the loop. Aside from one or two cases, it’s all been good.

By the time I had started Peering Out, I had already been visiting quite a few “gay” blogs. None of them, however, were by guys still in the closet. So I thought mine was a relative oddity. Now, a year later, I’ve come across three other in-the-closet bloggers whose sites I visit. Yet, most of the time, I don’t identify with them. But I should, shouldn’t I? We are pretty much in the same boat.

There is this one blogger who seems to be freaking out that he may have inadvertently blow his cover. A group of friends may have found out about him. So he may be quitting his blog. My first reaction was to be rather annoyed. He is worried of the possibility of someone knowing. If I were face to face with him, I probably would have dismissed his feelings rather coldly. So what? It’s not a big deal.

Even though we are in the closet, I forget how terrifying it is to face the prospect of your family or friends finding out. I’m afraid that I am turning into one of those unsympathetic queers who demand all others be out and proud. Funny, considering that I am not.

So I owe an apology to all my fellow closeteers. I’m sorry for all those times that I had not read you with much empathy. But please know that deep down, I do care and I want you all to be happy. We all deserve that.