26

One year ago, I came out to someone for the very first time. It was my friend, Sara. At the time, I considered her my closest friend. I thought that I could tell her and that of all the people that I knew, she would not have turned her back on me. I’d be lying if I said that my confidence in her was solid, though. Still, I got through it and the event itself was rather positive. I was glad that I told her. The next day, I also came out to my former mentor at State who had a much better understanding of what I was going through. Since it is an anniversary of sorts, I sent them both Thank-You cards in the mail. They should have arrived yesterday or will tomorrow. I felt that I needed to tell them how much I appreciated them for just listening to me. There have been so many people that have affected my life and I never did thank them for it. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss this one.

Since today is Sunday, I thought that I would go to church. I thought it might be good to have a little self-reflection. I know that it sounds odd that a gay guy would seek out some comfort in a church that preaches against homosexuality. Still, I can not deny that my faith in God is still a large part of my identity. I would also admit that I have been avoiding church as much as possible because while I’m there, I still carry on as if I was different. Shortly after coming out to Sara last year, I decided that I would no longer take communion. This decision was made because in order to take communion within the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, you have to believe all of what the church teaches. As a person who now holds a different “confession” than the church, I am disqualified from participating in the Eucharist. This hasn’t gone unnoticed by my family of course. The first time I did it—it was rough. They asked why and I only gave them a partial answer. Even today, I could see the disappointment in their faces. Luckily, they no longer push me to tell them more.