Where am I now?

The one year anniversary of my private little meltdown and eventual coming out to the first person is coming up soon. The number 26 is still above my desk as I am writing this. It’s been there for almost a year, reminding me that I had to do what I did. One year later, am I at the place where I thought I'd be? Hell no. In fact, I’m still in the middle of the two places that I would be—still in the closet or completely out. It’s pretty much down to my family (minus my sister) who don’t know. Everyone else knows or is fair game. I’ve been giving some thought on taking up Erin’s offer to move in with her. I’ve pretty much come to the decision that I am not going to tell my parents—specifically my father. Quite frankly, I am afraid of what will happen to me and anyone else around when he finds out. Better have some place to go should I end up on my ass. So, there is sooner which would mean scraping by paycheck to paycheck with Erin. Then there is later which would allow me to go to law school but I would be looking another year and half before I can be myself. I don’t think I can last that long.

In a few weeks I will be sending out two cards for Sara and Moose. I want to show my appreciation for just listening to me and for everything they did afterwards. Throughout the year, people have come and gone. Some supportive. Some not. At least I could take something from each of those experiences—knowing who true friends were and how some people really felt about gays. In some ways, it’s a whole new world and in some ways it’s the same. I dunno, it’s like running on a track. I’m still running the same race; it’s just that I switched lanes. Does that make any sense?

I don’t know what this next year will be like. Maybe it will be better. Who knows? Small steps forwards—but at least forward moving.