Let Freedom Ring

Since Independence Day fell on a Monday, many places decided to celebrate on the Sunday, the third. I had the day off and I wanted to make sure that I ended up doing something. I have not seen fireworks for the fourth for a long time—at least here in B____. 2004’s was from the top of the parking garage at MSU looking towards Lansing. 2003’s was in the Philippines just having breakfast—probably at McDo’s. 2002’s was in Manistee and was great… my best one to date. 2001 and 2000 never happened.

This year I had a choice of going to N___, B___, or S___. However, it looked like I would be going alone. I called Sara and found out that she had plans with Adam. (More on that some other time.) Season was headed to Rachel’s so I could pretty much count her out on going to see a professional display. Kris was working that evening. My Mom and Dad were considering Baroda but they seemed pretty far from deciding. In the end, I ended up calling Erin. Honestly, I had expected that she would have other plans. It turns out that I was right and I was about to give up. But luckily, her plans modified and I was easily fitted in.

You know what… I’ll just post my blog entry in here as well. [blog entry deleted—it wasn’t pertinent anyways]

Anyways, what I didn’t include was that I outed myself to Erin. Like Sara before her, I came out while she was driving. I’m amazed I don’t cause accidents. I sort of just blurted it out while I was talking about Sara and Adam. I was explaining to her that Adam felt that Sara and I shouldn’t be seeing each other. It’s probably because he thinks that I’m making the moves on his girl. It’s ridiculous because one, Sara and him don’t have a relationship that even touches on healthy. Two, I’m freaking gay.

“Basically, I came out to Sara.”

At this point, Erin showed just how well she listens. “You’re gay?”

“Yeah…” I probably could have said it better but it came out sounding like it was a fact that she should have known all along.

I swear it looked like she couldn’t be happier. I thought it would be really awkward but she totally made me feel at ease. It actually made me happy when she asked me if I had a boyfriend. Sorry Erin, just a little too early for that I think.

We made our way to Coveleski just talking about my current situation. There was mention of some of the gay friends that her sister, Amanda has over at Aquinas. Then we got into a sort of little sparing that we do. You see, I know that she’s a lib/dem and she knows that I’m a conservative/rep. She seems happy that I may just have to abandon ship. Plus she’s absolutely elated that her claim that everyone is at least a little bisexual seems to have been proven.

“Well that explains a lot.” I almost cringed when she said that. One of things that I was proud of was that I seemed to have gone by without attracting suspicion that I might be gay. Sara didn’t know. Moose didn’t know. But Erin did? Not quite. It’s just that it explained why she thought that I didn’t like physical touch… like holding hands. It’s sort of half true. I don’t like physical touch but I crave it also. It’s just that I don’t know how to deal with it.

During the game, we talked a little more about my gayness and at first, I didn’t know if I wanted to talk about it when there were people around who could obviously listen in. But for some reason, I just talked and talked about it. I didn’t care if others were listening. It’s not as if they know my family and could tell them. Having Erin so close, and actually trying some of that physical contact was also something that I will always be grateful for. Hell, I wouldn’t mind try some of this spooning idea with her.

At the end of the night she gave me a hug. It shows me that the emotional and physical barriers have been brought down between us.