Slip Up and a Reunion

Okay, okay, I’ve been neglecting the journal for a bit. This time I blame it to me putting the internet and blog ahead of the journal. It probably helped that I didn’t really have any deep issues that I wanted to write about here. But I will try to get back to this a little more often.

So what has happened since I last wrote? Honestly not that much. Just some little things.

I almost came out to Season. After Sara and Erin, she’s the next person that I would feel comfortable revealing myself. We were at the lake when Sara made some passing reference to a town in northern Michigan. She said that a lot of gays were going to be there. I quickly added, “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.” As soon as I said it, I realized that I slipped up for Season whipped her head around and said, “What are you hiding from us?” But as quickly as it was brought up, it was tossed so luckily I didn’t get into too tight of a situation. Later that night while we were eating some pizza, I seriously considered telling her what I have been hiding but decided not to.

The high school reunion was held a little while ago. Jessica F. and her boyfriend deserve all the credit for this. If it wasn’t for her, I’m pretty sure that one wouldn’t have taken place. I have talked about this a lot in my blog so I won’t repeat it here save for the more personal things

My issues with not being the success that I thought I would be had bogged down my enthusiasm for this reunion. Everyone in my class seems to be doing so much better than I am and it hurts. It hurts than I care to admit. When I came out of it though, I had a new out look. Basically, Fuck it! I could be in a worse situation. At least I am working ya know? Someday things will get better.

John G. came with a person who we all took to be his boyfriend. And although, we correctly knew that this other fellow was gay, we found out that it was just a friend. When the opportunity presented itself, everyone was talking about the gay guys and some of it was not in so flattering terms. I gave a look over to Sara. Basically, what I was trying to convey to her was, “See? You see why I can’t come out?” The gay issues then extended to Kevin. And Chris… Chris just didn’t seem to like it and he came off as a big homophobe. But I’m not sure that it was due to homophobia or whether it had to deal with Kevin’s falling out with his family. Either way, it left me kind of disturbed because I like Chris (not in that kind of way) and would like to reconnect with him like we were in high school.

Okay, I know that I'm throwing names around. Maybe this will help:

Sara (the gal I came out to), Chris, and I were friends with a guy named Kevin. In high school, he had not come out yet, but basically everyone knew. Of course, we always gave him the benifit of the doubt. After graduation he moved to Florida where he later came out. Due to some complicated issues, the friendship between him and us dissolved to the point where Chris actually dislikes Kevin. I'm not quite sure why... but there it is.

John G. was another guy in high school that is gay but who wasn't out in high school. Unlike Kevin who pretty much surrounded by a group of friends, John was really an outcast. As soon as he stepped off the graduation platform, he hit the gay scene running. Total transformation. He has found his own little niche and seems to be doing quite well. I ran into him latter in the summer and tried to talk to him. The little bugger ignored me and acted like he didn't know me. When you graduate with 20 people, it's hard to forget your old classmates.