A window to another life

The notion of people developing online crushes always made me roll my eyes. It just seemed ridiculous to me that you can actually fall for someone without actually being with that person. It appears that I was wrong. Well, I don’t know yet. I came across Chad Fox’s blog a few weeks ago along with a host of other guys. His stood out and I’ve been hitting his site regularly for quite some time now. It was him that really got me to look into myself and it gives me some hope that someday I will get enough courage to out myself and have a happier life. I suppose I look up to him. From what I can tell, he is very cool and sociable. Everyone in his vast social network seems to love him. He exudes this positive energy. He also was able to serve his country which is what I wish I could have done. He is a person that I am attracted to. I’m probably not his type so I’m not going to run off to San Francisco to stalk him. ha ha. I’ve looked at pictures of his friends and my God, they are practically models. Yet, maybe there is another out there. I hope so. I’ve given some thought about contacting him. He does seem to be pretty receptive to meeting strangers. I’m not sure how he would respond to me. Plus, I don’t know if he would have much patience for guys that are still largely in the closet. I’ve got a lot to thank him for. Maybe when the world is right, I will.

The three sites located on the sidebar under "Special Thanks" deserve my immense appreciation for they have helped give me hope as well as to see my situation from another perspective. Chad Fox's website, which I had been visiting since December of 2004 was largely responsible for getting me to admit that I was gay. (Apparently, the gay porn wasn't enough.) It made me realize that being gay wasn't a bad thing. I was still going to be me but I would be able to share my real, true experiences and thoughts. I'm not quite there but my circle is ever widening to include more people and soon, maybe I can drop all barriers.