Sitting By the River
It’s 7:30 pm as I am writing for this post. I’m sitting at an old familiar spot by the river. When I was young, I used to come here fairly often. There were times when I just had to be alone. I liked the quiet surroundings where I could just sit back and enjoy my own thoughts. I would walk out to this large boulder that jutted out into the water. It was my place. It’s gone now. The city took it and the other rubble out when they revamped the park quite a few years back.The last time I was here, I believe it was in sixth grade. My friend Erin was going out with this boy named Sean. I came out to the rock to think. I was jealous. I wanted to go out with her. I wanted to be her boyfriend. While I had nothing against Sean before, I wanted to kill him. Hey-I was young. Now, I’m sitting here again, thinking about her. She’s got another boyfriend—Will.
I came back to the park partly because there was nothing else to do and no one to do nothing with. Erin is, of course, with Will. Season is off in NYC and is will arrive back here later tonight. I don’t really hang out with anyone else. I have been thinking about expanding my social base by joining one of the LGBT organizations here. But I don’t know how to approach it. Ideally, I’d like to take someone with me. The people I’d consider probably won’t. If I do, I’d be going it alone. Yikes.
On my way back to the Michiana area, I stopped by Borders to pick up a copy of The Full Spectrum. It also prompted me to come out to the river. I thought it would be good to review my life and see how it brought me here and yet, not have to worry how life will play out. So far, I have been reading only a little at a time. I’d like to go slow and appreciate what I’m reading. Restraining myself from turning the next page is hard!It’s getting to be that time—the bugs are coming out. Summer is here.
posted by David @ 7:30 PM
4 Comments:
I love sitting by the river or by a lake. There is such much serenity. People say the ocean has serenity. Too many waves crashing on the shore--that is much too noisy for me.
Seriously? If no one will go with you -- although it sounds like you have some pretty cool straight female friends who'd totally be down with tagging along -- just go on your own. Here's a little secret: It's nowhere near as scary as you think. I can't remember where I read this -- maybe in Orland Outland's "Coming Out" (which is a great guide to the whole coming-out thing, btw) -- but someone once said, for a newly-out guy, the first visit to a gay bar is both thrilling, and kind of a letdown. There's just a bunch of guys there, hanging out, drinking, and not paying much attention to you. A hush won't fall over the room. A spotlight won't be put on you. Nobody will try to have sex with you the second you show up. Odds are, no one will even talk to you. Which is both a relief, and just a tiny bit disappointing. Same goes for an LGBT center. Go for a visit. See what it's all about. Hang out for a bit and go home. Nobody will see you. And if you *do* run into someone you know, well, what are *they* doing there? (Besides, as you probably know, there is a code of gay etiquette that says that you don't out someone to anyone -- ie., you don't tell other folks who's gay, and they extend the same courtesy to you, unless you're out to the whole world.) Anyway: Most of the folks there will be just like you -- gay, shy, and extremely relieved to find out that there are more people like them in the world. It's a pretty cool experience. Trust me: Go. It'll be fine.
I can remember my first trip to the Phoenix Gay Youth Group (in 1989!!!). There was no internet, no blogs, no nothin. I was lucky enough that a friend took me along and introduced me to a few people, but as some of your other commenters pointed out, it wasn't as scary as I'd built it up to be.
In fact, people at such organizations usually will go out of their way to make a new person feel welcome (without feeling singled out). Just go!
And then let us know how it went. We'll be with you in spirit. =0)
Thanks everyone. I will make make an effort to go soon. Mr. Peanut, your suggestion about a book club is interesting and comes at a time when another blogger has jumpstarted my reading. Don't worry PJS, I wouldn't miss writing about it. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home